B00004L8JJ.03._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpgThis film stars Steve Martin and was made in 1987. It is about a man who has a very big nose. We are talking huge. It is a terrible, terrible film.

The star of the film is this firefighter who has an incredibly big nose. He also doesn’t take and nonsence from people who are rude about his nose. This is the only good thing about the film. Anyone who is rude about his nose gets pretty badly beaten up. This would be a good redeeming feature of the film if the action wasn’t so cheesy and terrible.

The rest of the film is a terrible love story, you can imagine what it’s like. The woman doesn’t like him becasue of his nose blah blah blah. This is interspersed with the slapstick comedy of the firemen being useless, which is about as funny as having you ear cut off.

I think it must be based on the french play “Cyrano de Bergerac” which is essentially about the same thing. To be honest this film was so terrible I am not going to waste any more of my timne writing about it or any of your time reading about it. Avoid like anthrax.

There is one part of the film that is quite good. This guy shouts “big nose” at our hero, and he turns around and says “is that the best you coukd come up with?” He then lists 20 funnier insults for people with big noses. Some of them are quite funny, but not worth watching the film for. Anyway, here are the “20 something betters”. There are actually 25:

1. Obvious: Excuse me. Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face.
2. Meteorological: Everybody take cover. She’s going to blow.
3. Fashionable: You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something larger. Like … Wyoming.
4. Personal: Well, here we are. Just the three of us.
5. Punctual: Alright gentlemen. Your nose was on time but you were fifteen minutes late.
6. Envious: Oooo, I wish I were you. Gosh. To be able to smell your own ear.
7. Naughty: Pardon me, Sir. Some of the ladies have asked if you wouldn’t mind putting that thing away.
8. Philosophical: You know. It’s not the size of a nose that’s important. It’s what’s in it that matters.
9. Humorous: Laugh and the world laughs with you. Sneeze and it’s goodbye Seattle.
10. Commercial: Hi, I’m Earl Schibe and I can paint that nose for $39.95.
11. Polite: Ah. Would you mind not bobbing your head. The orchestra keeps changing tempo.
12. Melodic: Everybody! “He’s got the whole world in his nose.”
13. Sympathetic: Oh, What happened? Did your parents lose a bet with God?
14. Complimentary: You must love the little birdies to give them this to perch on.
15. Scientific: Say, does that thing there influence the tides.
16. Obscure: Oh, I’d hate to see the grindstone.
17. Inquiry: When you stop to smell the flowers, are they afraid?
18. French: Say, the pigs have refused to find any more truffles until you leave.
19. Pornographic: Finally, a man who can satisfy two women at once.
20. Religious: The Lord giveth and He just kept on giving, didn’t He.
21. Disgusting: Say, who mows your nose hair.
22. Paranoid: Keep that guy away from my cocaine!
23. Aromatic: It must be wonderful to wake up in the morning and smell the coffee … in Brazil.
24. Appreciative: Oooo, how original. Most people just have their teeth capped.
25. Dirty: Your name wouldn’t be Dick, would it?

Ricky Gervais: Animals

This is on TV tonight. TONIGHT. You have to watch it. If you are out record it. It is very funny.

It’s hard to do a review without giving jokes away, or making something sound so good that you will be disapointed but I will give it a go.

After watching the office you think that no one could be more annoying than David Brent. Ricky Gervais is able to continue playing this character in his stand up show, but in a way that doesn’t make you hate him – you know that he isn’t serious. Maybe this makes it better than the office, or maybe its more annoying. I think that’s it’s less subtle humor, although the distinction between Gervias and the characters he personifies is less clear.

This probably gives it a more mass appeal than the office, without loosing Gervais’ humor and wit. He has a knack with his phraseology which I really like as well. Like he will say some stupid phrase like “every cloud” or “swings and roundabouts”, but with so much sarcasm that it will be hilarious.

The show is basically about animals – the bits David Attenborough left out. And it really is that. There are a lot of strange facts about animals. Which I like.

Politics isn’t as good as Animals. It is a bit more picky. So anyway, you have to watch it.

A Clockwork Orange

cloc4.jpgI watched Stanley Kubrick’s A Clockwork Orange on Saturday night. It was a really interesting film. I really hate it when people give the game away with film reviews and tell you the ending, or something important that happens so I will try hard not to do that. In fact I also don’t like reviews that make you want to watch a film that turns out to be awful. I think the point in a review is to tell people enough about the film to help them decide for themselves if they will like it.

But first, some background information. A Clockwork Orange was banned quite soon after its release. People assume that this was becasue of the violence in the film, but as usual, people are wrong. The film was actually withdrawn by Kubrick himself, who never gave the reason for doing this, although it is suspected that it is down to the number of people imitating things that are in the film.

For this reason a lot of people condem this film, when there are plenty of other films around that are just as violent, if not more so (Reservoir Dogs for example). I think maybe another mistake a lot of people make is turning off the film before they get to the end. The end is definately what makes the film worth watching. If you decide to watch this, watch it to the end.

But at the moment we are still concerned with the question, do I want to watch this film at all. Well if you can’t watch violence, the answer is no. If you like happy endings the answer is also no. If you love the government, I would also suggest that you won’t love this film. If you like a lot of action and no plot, then you might as well stop reading this now.

However if you like a film which keeps you engaged with a good story, highly stylised filming and lighting and compelling characters, then you might well like it.

Alex and his droogs use a language, called in the book, Nadsat. This is another detail which makes the film interesting to listen to as well as watch. It’s a bit like watching Lock Stock, or Snatch, where you are trying to work out what the slang means as you are watching it. Infact, go here and have a look at all the weird words.

The other really interesting thing is the music. Alex has an obsession with Beethoven and consequently there is a lot of “Ludwig Van” in the film, but there is also a lot of other music in the film as well, and the way it is used is really good. Often the music in films is kind of unobtrusive and hence unnoicable. Kubrick manages to choose music which somehow works however strange it might look, once again every similar to Reservoir Dogs (I’ll review that sometime.)

There is a lot of attention to detail in the film which really makes it stand out. The only critisicms that I have seen of it are that it looks a bit dated. In most of the film I don’t think this is true. There are a few scenes where the effects look fake – like the car scene, and Kubircks idea of what things will be like in th future is definatley dated – all in one cat suits, sleeping pods, micro cassette players and mirrors everywhere, but aside from this it just looks really good.

I’ll leave it up to you then…

The Shawshank Redemption

This has got to be one of the best films I have EVER seen. it truly is so so good. The story follows this guy called Andy Dufrane, who gets jailed for murder basically. im really really crap at writing reviews so im not gonna speak for that long. when you get to the end you just realise how everything fits together. what amazes me about this film is that it did so appallingly at the box office. it bombed really badly, so they pulled it out of the cinema, and sent it pretty much straight to video. it has to be in my top five films ever, if not top because it is sooo good. i recommend everyone in the world to watch this film. morgan freeman is so incredible in it, as is tim robbins. i havent really seen tim robbins in much else since apart from high fidelity (also a very good film). but basically if you like good films then you will probably like the shawshank redemption. go watch it!

someone rereview this because its crap.

Pulp Fiction

If you’ve not seen it before Pulp Fiction is one of those must see films. It’s like a few sketches out of Quentin Tarantino’s notepad but all of them are linked and work really well together.

The film is not seen in chronological order. It’s as if the director has decided which scene fits in each place in the movie best, and put them together like that, regardless of time.

There are so many bit of this film that I really like and I think that’s one of the things that is so good about it. Tarantino has taken 3 stories which would all have made good films, stripped out he boring bits and stuck them together into one amazing film.



If you have seen Donnie Darko it will be much easier to understand what I mean when I say that this is strange. Both films are set in an American High School setting, which is so over used in American films these days, but both deal with it very differently.

Whilst Donnie Darko takes the horror/mystery line, Rushmore goes down more of a black humor route. Although the film is seldom funny enough to actually make you laugh, is it nevertheless entertaining enough to keep you watching. There are a few dull lovey moments where you look down at your watch, but generally there is enough going on.

Someone at work made me a birthday compliation CD, but most of the tracks are off this film. I couldn’t tell that until I saw the film which is a testament to the quality of the soundtrack.

It’s pretty wierd though, just a film about this weird kid who loves his school.