B00004L8JJ.03._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpgThis film stars Steve Martin and was made in 1987. It is about a man who has a very big nose. We are talking huge. It is a terrible, terrible film.

The star of the film is this firefighter who has an incredibly big nose. He also doesn’t take and nonsence from people who are rude about his nose. This is the only good thing about the film. Anyone who is rude about his nose gets pretty badly beaten up. This would be a good redeeming feature of the film if the action wasn’t so cheesy and terrible.

The rest of the film is a terrible love story, you can imagine what it’s like. The woman doesn’t like him becasue of his nose blah blah blah. This is interspersed with the slapstick comedy of the firemen being useless, which is about as funny as having you ear cut off.

I think it must be based on the french play “Cyrano de Bergerac” which is essentially about the same thing. To be honest this film was so terrible I am not going to waste any more of my timne writing about it or any of your time reading about it. Avoid like anthrax.

There is one part of the film that is quite good. This guy shouts “big nose” at our hero, and he turns around and says “is that the best you coukd come up with?” He then lists 20 funnier insults for people with big noses. Some of them are quite funny, but not worth watching the film for. Anyway, here are the “20 something betters”. There are actually 25:

1. Obvious: Excuse me. Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face.
2. Meteorological: Everybody take cover. She’s going to blow.
3. Fashionable: You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something larger. Like … Wyoming.
4. Personal: Well, here we are. Just the three of us.
5. Punctual: Alright gentlemen. Your nose was on time but you were fifteen minutes late.
6. Envious: Oooo, I wish I were you. Gosh. To be able to smell your own ear.
7. Naughty: Pardon me, Sir. Some of the ladies have asked if you wouldn’t mind putting that thing away.
8. Philosophical: You know. It’s not the size of a nose that’s important. It’s what’s in it that matters.
9. Humorous: Laugh and the world laughs with you. Sneeze and it’s goodbye Seattle.
10. Commercial: Hi, I’m Earl Schibe and I can paint that nose for $39.95.
11. Polite: Ah. Would you mind not bobbing your head. The orchestra keeps changing tempo.
12. Melodic: Everybody! “He’s got the whole world in his nose.”
13. Sympathetic: Oh, What happened? Did your parents lose a bet with God?
14. Complimentary: You must love the little birdies to give them this to perch on.
15. Scientific: Say, does that thing there influence the tides.
16. Obscure: Oh, I’d hate to see the grindstone.
17. Inquiry: When you stop to smell the flowers, are they afraid?
18. French: Say, the pigs have refused to find any more truffles until you leave.
19. Pornographic: Finally, a man who can satisfy two women at once.
20. Religious: The Lord giveth and He just kept on giving, didn’t He.
21. Disgusting: Say, who mows your nose hair.
22. Paranoid: Keep that guy away from my cocaine!
23. Aromatic: It must be wonderful to wake up in the morning and smell the coffee … in Brazil.
24. Appreciative: Oooo, how original. Most people just have their teeth capped.
25. Dirty: Your name wouldn’t be Dick, would it?

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