I’m Scared

I write music all the time. I always have a song that I am working on, usually a few. They bounce around from piano to guitar for a week or so, sometimes getting caught by Logic Pro, before scuttling off to die with all the others. I always intend to go back to them and “finish” them, but I am a terrible finisher it seems. In the last 7 years I have “finished” 10 songs, despite having started ten times that.

There are a lot of things that hold me back from sharing songs more often than I do. I am scared of what people with think of the things I share. I’m scared that they aren’t worth sharing.

The curios thing is that despite feeling like this I still feel compelled to share something. I don’t understand what this is exactly. It seems somehow not enough to just write music for myself. Maybe I’m looking for validation. Maybe the fact that I find it scary is also what compels me. However, if a fear of failure prevents me from sharing then haven’t I already failed?

It also struck me recently that no one is listening. Who are these people who I am worried about judging me? They exist only in my head.

I think about my songs a lot more than anyone else. I think about every aspect of it and how it can be improved. And yet for all this I am not convinced the end result is any better than the song was when it was born.

In this spirit I am sharing this song, which is very unfinished. Here are the things I don’t like about it:

  • The lyrics all start with the same phrase – it’s lazy and repetitive
  • The lyrics are too cliché and uninteresting
  • The lyrics don’t always fit the melody (the last line is particularly bad)
  • The music is too repetitive – there is only one structure through the whole song
  • The melody isn’t interesting enough to justify six verses
  • The piano plays the same thing as the vocals. It’s redundant.
  • It’s a rip off of Videotape and Like Spinning Plates
  • The recording is too low quality
  • There a several mistakes in the recording
  • It’s too hard to hear the lyrics

However, I won’t have time or inclination to fix these things before I move on to another song, so here it is. No one is listening anyway.

I guess it’s hard to hear the lyrics so here they are. I would prefer it if you only read them when listening to the music.

I’m scared of failing
I’m scared of trying
I’m scared of what you will think
I’m scared of giving up

I’m scared of sharing
I’m scared of caring
I’m scared of being the worst
I’m scared of things going wrong

I’m scared of living
I’m scared of not trying
I’m scared of it being my fault
I’m scared of not being good

I’m scared of dying
I’m scared of losing you
I’m scared of getting old
I’m scared of being alone

I’m scared of changing
I’m scared of not changing
I’m scared of being someone else
I’m scared of being myself

I’ll try to not care
I won’t try to change you
I’ll try to shake it off
I’m tired of fighting over you

2 thoughts on “I’m Scared

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